One of these days I decided to send a message to my godmother. An incredible woman who was always very present in my childhood, adolescence and adulthood. She always supported me, believed in me, made herself present in different ways. The past years we moved a little apart. We didn’t talk, didn’t meet, nor send any kind of message. One of these mornings I felt I needed to reconnect with her. Somehow a part of me, of my inner child. A person who has known me since the day I set foot in the world. And she told me - not exactly in these words, but something similar to this: "Kalina, I was moved by your message. You know, I felt that in the last few years you have somehow got lost. I could not access you. You've lost your flame. Your smile. Your art is always beautiful, but you, that happy, spontaneous child... I could not see her anymore. I am always watching you on your medias, and I’m finally seeing you again. You got your smile back - that smile - that has always conquered so many people."
"Yes, sometimes we need to lose ourselves a bit to then find ourselves again. And I'm happy to be back. Truly and entirely." - that was my answer to her.
I've always been present in the moments. I always dreamed and fought for what I believed. So I was able to build a business around my greatest passion - my art. But in recent years, I've intoxicated myself a little - from my surroundings, from my choices. I disconnected from my essence, from my flame, from my own self - from Kalina. The kaju has been doing great, but for many moments I forgot that we are one. That we have the power to be one. And that my art - is my life - and not a product, something that can be sold all the time. It's my expression. And that's my true art. My essence. My inner voice. My flame.
It's just me.
I've lost myself a bit.
But I found myself again.
I chose Santos as my residence for what I felt would be a reconnection for this process. The city where I was born, where I spent vacations, where I visited my grandparents. I never lived effectively there, except for my first years. And I decided to go back, to reconnect, to find myself in my city crib. I closed many cycles until the end of 2017, I listened to my intuition, which told me to really invest in this cleaning. To reconnect the parts, to take new steps, choose new directions, different scopes. To bloom a little more.
It was time for introspection. A real look inside, to meet with myself, to disconnect, to get a little isolated. I learned to cry and to laugh - nonstop. Alone, sitting in my living room. I learned to express myself. To reflect and separate - what still moves me and what doesn’t.
Deconstruct to rebuild.
I understood, I accepted, I forgave. And I loved.
I learned about love - in its various manifestations - in its different layers
Today, I’m choosing to close this cycle - exactly nine months after moving to Santos - and now I’m back to São Paulo - to then move abroad. Yes - almost a pregnancy. Ending to restart. To reconnect. The flame is on fire, and it's taking me to other places. I am connected to my essence, to my movement, to what moves me. Hello to you - my Intuition - who is 100% active, and I'm working on letting everything flow, in a light, spontaneous way. The universe is wise - and I am listening and allowing myself, without fear. (well, the fear steps in sometimes, but then I look it in the face, and say: sailaway!)
To just trust the process, and to love.
Myself and what I do.
Who I am and who I can be.
“You’re so brave” some say. And I say: “Listen to your heart.” Be connected to it. This is the true courage. Literally. I decided to change. Some beliefs, behaviors, permissions, expressions. Life became even more fluid, lighter - as my lines have been for a long time. The art also changes, as I'm not the same one I was five years ago when I decided to live from my art. I am building a new moment - new manifestations and expressions, which are a reflection of this reunion - with what moves me and with who I am. Just me.To represent this moment, I did a ritual, of transformation, of farewell, of change of route. And I recorded it, and I tried to tell it all in a video.
A first step, an idea.
Who I am, what I seek, what I want to experience.
I take this opportunity to invite you to access my youtube channel, to connect, to subscribe.
There's a lot of new expressions coming out soon.
Hope to see you around.
And I might lose myself again.
But I'll find another self inside of me.
That's how evolution moves.
And that's where my inspiration - and oxygen - lies.
Our environment encourages conformity and control - two concepts I perceive as prisons. We become afraid of letting ourselves loose. The fear that kills our freedom of expression and creativity, once we start telling ourselves “I can’t” “I don’t dare” “what will people think of me?” I am breaking free of this.
I know this may sound very abstract, but deep down, it is quite simple. Especially in the beginning, it's more a matter of priorities than anything else. Before you boycott your art with doubts, fears, and anxieties about the future, try to dedicate one hour a day, every day, to this very unique and beautiful thing that I know you do.
to face my greatest challenges. I left a lot behind - a country, a home, material possessions, a rising career and so many people. Many say I was brave, but I know deep down that I didn't have much choice. I heard a call from my soul - that had been screaming for years.